Hi, I’m a walking uterus, what do you do?

Not sure if anyone else is following the state to state hype about Emergency Conception (EC), but I just read something really interesting. Last week in Wisconsin a law was passed that allowed pharmacists to refuse the sale of EC for rape victims if it went against their personal religious convictions! And let me repeat- that’s for a rape victim, not someone who had condom issues, or a drunken encounter in a public parking garage- not that I think there should be a difference but come on, in a rape case EC should be a no brainer, your personal religious convictions aside.

However, in Connecticut yesterday church officials announced that they would allow their Catholic hospitals to dispense EC to rape victims, a decision which they recently reversed! Victory??? Yeah, SOMEONE talked some sense into them, especially after convincing them to drop the “mandated ovulation test”…. Or, if you are ovulating and at greater risk for pregnancy- they WOULDN’T give you EC….

But hey, come on, what’s the big deal?? In my own limited female understanding, abortions are actually not so unpleasant and, they’re just so easy to come by nowadays with clinics on every corner!! I mean, I once squeezed one in between a bikini wax and getting my nails done! I guess I see why some people feel we are just too nonchalant about these things, but you know it’s really not our fault, since, women are not really capable of comprehending the changes going on in our own body. Gosh, if only there was someway of making us more aware of those changes! What we need is to be awakened to the call of motherhood, and there’s no one better to take us by the hand and guide us than dreamboat Sam Brownback! Sen. Sammy’s “Ultrasound Informed Consent Act” would require that all abortion patients be administered an ultrasound before their procedure. The idea being to build a greater appreciation for human life, and “deeper reflection.” (Cuz the women who drove 6 hours to the ONE clinic in Missouri didn’t have a lot of time for “reflection”)

There’s nothing that makes this woman hotter than a man- holy or not, deciding that they have a better idea of what’s going on inside a woman’s body…. in fact, I imagine Sammy makes a lot of women AND men hot in that respect. You can’t really get mad at us for throwing shit at you when you tell us that the pro-life movement ISN’T about trying to control our bodies, now can ya?

p.s. I think those of you that know me well know that I’ve never had an abortion, never had my nails done, or my bikini waxed for that matter….I came face to face with an old male codger carrying an absolutely offensive pro-life poster in New Haven while I was carrying Jack in a backpack. We got into it on the sidewalk, and the irony of me standing there uterus, breastmilk, and all, holding Jack on my back while this 70 year old man waved his Bible at me at 9 AM!! was so incredibly surreal, and it’s stuck with me three years later. But for something a little lighter, check out this abortion clip from the Sarah Silverman show which I can’t upload to my blog because it’s from Comedy Central…. but it’s really really really like German-Chocolate-Dark-funny.

Sometimes it’s ok to cry about spilled milk

Last night I took the train up to Stamford to get Jack for the weekend. When we got out of the subway I remembered that we needed milk and apple juice. I usually go to Golden Farm which is a great grocery store on Church Ave that has a great selection (minus meat- unless headless fish floating in oil is your thing) and their prices are also pretty awesome. However, the market that’s practically across the street, formerly known as RED FARM just reopened.

Red Farm closed in May I believe, and it’s really no big surprise. It was the kind of store you could pop into to buy cereal and ice cream and beer…. I mainly used their ATM and bought M&M’s. There were aisles upon aisles of canned foods with warped and discolored labels…. Like cans of Bush Baked Beans- that were green. But at Red Farm, you just sort of knew what was ok to buy and what you should stay away from. Well, the new store opened about a week ago, and it looks really awesome, I popped in last weekend with Matt to take a look. There’s lots of organic products, a good amount of produce, a great assortment of spices, dry goods like pastas and cereals crackers and breads and toiletries. It even has a meat counter, which smells nasty, but it appears clean and fresh.

So last night, I figured Jack and I should try out the new store, especially since it’s not as far as the other one, and I like supporting smaller stores and building personal relationships with counter clerks. So, grabbed a box of Wheat Thins, or What Fins as Jack calls them, and some apple juice and a gallon of milk.

About a half hour later I took the milk out of the fridge and went to pour it into Jack’s cup. It fell in chunks… like big-old-blops into the cup, and I won’t describe to you what it smelled like. So, I checked the expiration date, and sure enough it read September 25th. It was the 28th. So, I dragged Jack down two flights of stairs and two blocks with the sour milk, back to the store where I explained that the milk was bad, and that they shouldn’t be selling old milk, and that they should probably check to make sure that the rest of the milk hadn’t expired yet. They were remarkably cool about it, and got me a new gallon from the back of the fridge that expired on the 2nd. They made chit chat with me and Jack, including an exchange of high five’s with him that I was rather proud of.

So, back at the apartment I go to pour a second glass of milk and – blops and chunks abound yet again… I noticed that the milk wasn’t as cold as I thought it should be, so I figured it was a refrigeration problem on their part,….. At this point I’m a little more than frustrated but not sure I want to drag Jack out again down two flights of stairs and two blocks, but milk is kind of expensive, and it’s a necessary staple for any household with a kiddo, or an adult with a cereal habit…. which is our household. So, back to the market we went where I told them that they really needed to remove ALL of their milk and double check the fridge temp… I also reminded them that the store that used to be there sold expired food and that it would probably be in their best interest to NOT do that if they wanted to be successful. And then I asked for my money back and grabbed milk from another store where I paid an entire dollar more- but it was cold. And you can believe that I shook the hell out of it and looked all around for anything chunky floating in it before we left the store.

On another note…. I’m gonna say it and risk identifying myself with yuppies and hipsters… What this neighborhood needs is a coffee shop. I’m out of coffee and just made half a pot with that Chock Full O Nuts shit that diners use.. I tried to use more grounds to make it taste more like, ya know, ummmm, coffee???? No suck luck…. I want to walk across the street in my sweats and get some real coffee! but not here. If you want a strong cup o’ joe, you go to Park Slope, or you can walk to Vox Pop on Cortelyou which is quite a hike. If you just want something hot and brown, with no body or color, then look no further. In fact, if you enjoy seeing your reflection in your coffee, then come on down to Kensington, we have plenty of curdled milk for you, depending on how you take it.

Jack jumpy castle thingy….

Eternally frustrated at my limitations, I have spent the past hour or so attempting to upload a video to my blog. Can’t do it…. Need to reformat it or something and I can’t for the life of me figure it out…..

Grrrr…. But I did figure out how to blog from my phone which is what I’m doing right now. Sitting in my local (not so local, actually) coffee shop, blackberry at hand, and iced coffee by my side…

This is a pic from this past weekend, which was spent stoop saling and walking around. At one point Matt, Jack and I found one of those inflatable jumping castle things, which surprisingly jack was not afraid of….

In other news, I think I found an apartment, and aparrently I’m not a total whackjob for thinking that my bf smells like Jesus when he doesn’t wear deodorant and ……lipsticks contain aborted fetuses??? Oh, and I got a free coffee from the ironic hipster barista…. Mmmmmmm
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Darken up your Saturday with Babs!!

Although I never played with Barbie dolls, my sister had a whole village of ’em, AND the Ferrari(white), and the Dream House (pink-duh!).

One of my favorite childhood memories is of my sister around Christmas time shoving the Three Wisemen into the Ferrari with Ken to go see baby Jesus…. My parents were pretty pissed.

I didn’t play with Barbie because my parents didn’t want to idealize what was “pretty” and have it presented to me in some pink box…. While I wasn’t allowed to play with Barbie, by the time my sister was interested, their idealistic resolve was all gone, which only further proves the theory that by the time you have two children you just don’t care anymore…. Evidence of this theory in action(besides the Barbie thing) -my beautifully ornate baby book which oh-so-carefully chronicles every burp and fart through my first two years, while my sister ….has a lock of hair and some papers in a shoe box…

Oh well, this is an experiment I’m sure my father would have been proud to help me with….It’s pretty sadistic, but with Fashion Week drawing to a close, it’s sort of like an uber-dark-gather-around-the-campfire moment.

Fashion Week

Some of you may not be familiar with the popular grrrly blog Jezebel. While I’m not a huge fan of their fashion editorials, or of the endless sea of celeb snapshots in their worst moments, Jezebel has a team of fabulous writers who cover anything from melon scented panties, the Southwest Airline scandal, or the online debate with catholic conservative Matt C. Abbott on what a fitting “punishment” for abortion would be. What I find most refreshing about their blog is that they maintain a surprisingly down to earth viewpoint on matters…. Not macha feminist, which can be tiresome at times….. like lipstick feminism?is there such a term?

Although I myself am not a girly-girl, I’ve come to accept that there’s really nothing wrong with liking pink, shoes, make-up or even purty lacy things. In fact, I kinda like pink, but not because I have a vagina, I like it because it works with my skin undertones….. my Dad also looks lovely in pink, it brings out the blue in his eyes, and let me tell you, there’s nothing girly about my father.

This week marked the beginning of Fashion Week, which to be quite honest I could really give a flying fig about, but this posting on Jezebel caught my attention. In addition to the positioning of flight attendants on 6th Avenue handing out airline barf bags, tongue depressors, ex-lax and tic-tacs for the post-purge freshening up, there’s also a running commentary posted Ichat-style,(which anyone who knows me-knows that this is my preferred medium of convo). The dialogue from the inside reporter to the stationed Jezebel is hilarious, smart, chic,in short,very grrly.

Check out this chat involving the spotting of a Lisa Loeb.

I love that these girls are totally glam’d up for this. How would you imagine a feminist would protest this event??? Not to further the stereotype, but my vision didn’t have eye-liner or a coiffed hair-do. Isn’t it kinda hot to see opposition in a beautiful and tasteful form, the physical embodiment of sexy, chic and smart??

Happy Thursday

There’s another epic Melly blog in the making.…. one of my more academic endeavors… you know the ones that are kinda long, and kinda snarky, but yet somehow brilliantly clever and leave you with a nice warm fuzzy feeling towards the end???? Well, I confess I’m feeling a bit too warm and fuzzy this evening as I’ve worked all day on boring life shit… and have just succumbed to the evils of LOST and am partaking in a Corona. Aka, Melly not so brilliant right now. I leave you with your choice of three thought provoking advertisements….. and I’ll leave the snark up to you.

American Apparel as seen on the LES

Melon Scented Panties??

Happy Thursday!