Melly’s Music Links

Tomorrow night I have the privilege of performing with the hauntingly beautiful Molly Thompson @ Zebulon Cafe
258 Wythe Avenue, Williamsburg

Her singing cellist has the flu, so I’m covering background vocals. It’s a great line-up of performers including some of my peers from Newspeak and Passenger Fish. The opening act Latitude/Longitude starts at 8pm.


Mellissa Hughes, voice
Kamala Sankaram, accordion/voice
Adam Fisher, cello
Taylor Levine, electric guitar
Katie Porter Maxwell, bass clarinet
Sycil Mathai, trumpet
Matt Renzi, sax
Eleonore Oppenheim, bass

Also, Alarm Will Sound has a show Friday and Saturday night this week at The Kitchen. Rep concentrates on arrangements and compositions from the year 1969… Stockhausen, Berio, Stravinsky (arrangements of Wolf Lieder) and an arrangement of The Beatle’s Revolution 9 by my amazing Rockstar of a Boyfriend…. ticket info available on their website.


Morning Misogynist Link Roundup

Hill’s Star Spencer Pratt is being given his own advice column in the April issue of Radar…. my issue (so far) is not with Spencer, but with the toolbox they have given the “honor” of being the first “Yo Spencer” contributor:

Yo Spencer, So…I really dig this girl, and like, I want her to get me to sleep with her, but like, she just won’t. We’ve already hung out, like, twice, and BOTH TIMES she wouldn’t give it up. It’s like, bitch, please! I took her to freakin’ Baja Fresh AND got her a frozen yogurt. What more does she want!?!? What am I supposed to freakin’ do, dude!?!? BEG!?!? Help a bro’ out. Word Mike Laguna Beach, CA.

I’m assuming Mike is fake, but after watching an hour of something even trashier than Judge Judy yesterday, I’ve discovered two things: 1) I enjoy slumming it in vacuous trash occasionally, and 2) I want an advice column!!! I think a Dear Melly feature would be a nice addition to Mellysblog, don’t you??? I thought so:

Dearest Mike,
Wow, Baja Fresh AND a frozen yogurt?? what a cock tease! Or perhaps she just saw you for the shallow Laguna Beach sack of shit you really are. Dude, it sounds trite, but she’s just not that into you. If she wanted to jump your bones she would have given you some sign by now. Somethings holding her back and my inkling is that it has nothing to do with frozen yogurt. A girl, much like a lot of guys I know, never wants to feel expected to perform or reciprocate generosity on any terms that aren’t her own. I think deep down inside, and I really hope this is the case, you’d prefer her to overpower you with her womanly wiles because she’s into you, not because you splurged for a taco. If not, I suggest you work it out with a GGW video, and a box of tissues.

And now, English subtitles provided for clarity… this video is wrong on many, many levels….like, apparently persons of Hispanic descent are more likely to be lactose intolerant, I actually didn’t know that… so California Milk Processing Board, um….fuck you for being ignorant, racist, and misogynist…Bruja-har-har.

Here’s a pic from one of the 10 malls in the Dominican Republic currently advertising the Suzuki Swift as the panty dropper… While I’ll acknowledge that there are women out there who would get all hot and bothered over a car… come on, a SUZUKI?? It’s a glorified mini-van!! Hello, limiting much?? “Oh God, you mean the back seat compartment folds up? I can fit the kids bikes back there, AND take Sparky to the vet? Room for groceries AND my kayak? Oh my God, Oh my God, the trunk space is so…BIG! and gasp! there go my panties..” the original link is down, hopefully because it’s o-fucking-ffensive, but remember, when you post something on the internets it’s FOREVER.

And finally, wow…… dude, it takes a special man to cruise about town in this. Objectification doesn’t get more blatant than The Bitchcruiser. For more in disembodied woman products consult here.


ZOE BELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We knew this day was coming!!!!!! But seriously people, why the hell would you hire Zoe Bell, a living, breathing, stunt artist….. only to have her walk off a boat never to be heard from again…. Cameo, my ass!! I mean, come on!!!!!! I waited and waited… no Zoe. Where the fuck is Zoe?? Oh, she’ll be back, I said out LOUD, she’s gonna pull some crazy shit, just you wait. You know she can hold her breath for like, a year….

Why just jump off a boat?? My God, I could have done that. No swandive?? At least let her do a cannonball, come on!!!

Lame…. Lamer than Lame….Lame-o.

Your Homework for TimberBrit

Dearest Ones, to prepare you for what you will see Sunday evening…. first familiarize yourself with the source materials….
Britney Spears – Toxic

Jacob Cooper then took a snip from the audio sample and time stretched it to equal roughly quarter note = 34.86. Really freaking slow!! Listening to this is sort of the equivalent to staring at your pores in an intensely strong mirror, it really highlights all the imperfections, (and also makes you realize that sound engineers are GODS) Here’s the slow stretched sample from Toxic ( just the chorus).

Cooper then re-orchestrated it for live band (keys, guitar, drumset, electronics, and vocals). At first, to be honest, I wasn’t entirely sure if it would be interesting enough to keep the audiences attention, however… the gaps that are left in the slow tempo are now being filled in with some pretty freaking awesome solo licks, mainly played by my buddy James Moore on guitar. We also have plenty of effects and pedals to run through….. so “Oops I did it again” now sounds like a Beach Blanket Bingo Luau!!! In a sense, there’s new musical material with in the old, a song with in a song. It’s really cool.

Also, Hit me Baby One More Time real slow, sort of sounds like a bare-boned version of the Moonlight Sonata, it’s even in the same key.

Now, a word on how I approached the vocals… with things stretched this slow, and with the sampled vocals never really lining up with the backing track, the idea was to really emulate the disjunction and imperfections and freaking revel in it. A click track was totally necessary. It enabled me to arrive both early and late at times, and do that whacky non-rhythmic and now really slow wide vibrato thing while still maintaining a sense of tempo that I’m trying somewhat to ignore. Oh the layers!!! I mean, half of what singing is, is physics: how to manipulate a set of pipes to vibrate at a certain frequency and be heard a certain distance away…. the other half is making it look like you aren’t thinking about the physics…and trying to look purty. Throw in a blond wig, a sparkley dress that would make any 9-year-old want to key my Porsche, some purple Robitussin, and a little moonwalkin’ and you’ll see why Sunday night promises to be pretty darn special.

And in case you were interested, here’s the recording we made of Toxic back in January. It’s multi-tracked, so it loses a lot of the “band” magic that happens when six sweaty musicians are rocking out in a small studio apartment, but you’ll get the drift.

werd, see you all in pop heaven…..