I’ve been reading a lot of Simone de Beauvoir lately, and also in the past few days have read Ibsen’s “Dollhouse” like four times… I could post on Nora’s character alone, but I’ve been mulling something over for a few days, and think I’ve come to some realization. So, the phenomenon of why great girls prefer to date douche bags, and why great guys stay tied down with down-right bitchy girls is, although a quandary, nothing terribly new.
My boyfriend is infuriatingly intelligent at times, this is one of the many things that I love about him. It’s no fun dating someone who shares your opinions on everything. The other day he admitted to me that guys basically need to put themselves in one of two categories. The first is the “nice guy”. The nice guy lives his daily life in a constant state of consideration, in short, he lives his life for another being. He helps with groceries, does dishes, makes you breakfast every morning, watches the movies you want to watch, drops anything to help his friends, unless you need him more, and is known for being a good listener, etc. Sounds dreamy, right?
The second category is, by default, the “bad guy”. In simplest of terms the bad guy lives for himself. He knows what he likes, and he indulges in the food, music, movies, and company of others that please him, which lucky for you…… is you. This isn’t to say that the bad guy doesn’t make you coffee or surprise you with ice cream every once in a while, he does, and when he does, it goes a long, long, long way. The “bad guy” is selfish in a really healthy way.
In high school AP Spanish class “El Mono” was leading a class discussion on his interpretation of a Lorca poem, I can’t for the life of me remember what it was, but what he said has stuck with me as being one of the most incredibly simple and profound jewels to ever stumble out of an 18 year-olds mouth. The gist was that we’re all snails, and we travel around with our houses, which is basically a metaphor for our sense of self. Without a well maintained house, or sense of self, we’re snails without shells, which are basically just slugs. And slugs just suck. Yep. Right on. Baby dolls suck too, and that’s usually the term I use when I feel my sense of self slip away and I begin acting like Nora.
The thing is you want to be with the “bad guy”, and you want to be a “bad girl” if that means that you’re doing what is right for you and cultivating your sense of self. When you think down to it, and here’s where Matt is right, (this post has been dated and time stamped in case you think hell is freezing over) you don’t want to be with the “nice guy”. A guy that wakes up and makes you coffee every day, well unfortunately for him, that gesture of generosity becomes something that is expected, and then eventually, not appreciated. The “nice guy” that brings you flowers constantly, well again, this becomes expected, and so when they fuck up, they need to out do themselves. That’s when they fill your entire room with flowers while you’re out… and that’s just kind of creepy gentlemen, and it makes us wonder what you did.
Seriously, analyze this act outside of the John Hughes (although it’s technically Cameron Crowe) reality, and you’ll agree with me….Creepy…… even for Lloyd Dobler….
I’ve dated the “nice guys”, and quite honestly, they usually turn out to be real life bad guys. Fancy dinners and nice wine is great and all, flowers are cool, but they die pretty fast, and it doesn’t make up for actual relationship content. And in the end, all that denying and depriving themselves of the company/food/movies/porn/ that they’re into comes out in really ugly and destructive ways, and then they’re filling your room or entire apartment with flowers, or standing below your window holding a boombox, and it’s really just a hop skip and a jump before you find out a whole bunch of ugly shit that’s been going down and everybody and their brother knows about it, but they’re not telling YOU, because in order to date the nice guy, you’ve become the nice girl……
Personally, I’d rather have it all out in the open. Ideally, you know what’s expected of you, what your role as a supporter and lover is, and if you choose to go above and beyond that every once in a while, well, just make sure it’s because you want to,
and it’ll go a long, long, long way.
They don’t make ’em like that anymore….sigh…..